What If You Are Perfectly Designed?

We have all done it. We think that this one thing will change us. This new dress will make us look as beautiful as the photo. This new moisturizer will take away the lines that make us cringe every day in the mirror.

Or that new workout will change the body we check in the mirror and think, why. Or the new meditation practice will change our mindset, or a new morning routine will set us up for the day so we feel less stressed and stop wanting to scream at our kids and our partner.

And all of them work for a while. But we’re still us. And we think, I just need one more thing to improve myself, or feel better about myself. Then maybe I will love myself. Maybe then I’ll have what it takes that others seem to have.

But what if you don’t need to change any of those things?

That new dress will feel great that day. That new moisturizer may feel luxurious to put on. That new workout can make you feel better all around. That meditation practice can give your mind a break from the racing and the overthinking for a period of time. That new morning routine can reset your day, until you get sick or until life throws something crazy in your way.

Please don’t beat yourself up if they don’t fix things you’re trying to fix. Because you don’t need to be fixed.

What if you are aging exactly as you are meant to? What if those lines are part of the face that’s been through so much and enjoyed so much and laughed so much? What if your mind has been trying to protect you all this time and has reasons behind the overthinking that you don’t even realize are there? What if your body and your mind don’t need a hard workout every day, but instead need to go with what feels right in the moment?

What if you are perfectly designed?

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You’re Right, I Don’t Know You

Before you say, “hey Erica, you don’t know me.” You’re right, I don’t know you the way that you know yourself. None of us do.

But I know that you are perfectly designed. Because each and every one of us is perfectly designed. We all have quirks we want to fix and hard things we’ve been through, but what if that’s part of what makes you uniquely you? What if the part of you that you beat yourself up about is actually a gift you can use to help others?

I come from a long history of trying to fix myself. I have over 25 years of experience in the “needing to improve myself” department, and I know how exhausting it can be. You fix one thing, and then another pops up like a whack-a-mole. You get a new boss, or you move to a new area, and those things you thought you fixed are coming up all over again.

So you start searching for a retreat to get those things back into balance, only to come home feeling changed and relaxed, but a little more frustrated with your kids, your partner, or hating your job a little bit more than you did before. And you wonder why, when I felt so good before, and you resolve to start a new routine to take you back to that way you felt at the retreat.

I know this because I have done it myself. And I have heard it from others who do it too.

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What I Didn’t Expect

I don’t have the magic tool that will take you back to that retreat. I don’t have the magic tool that will help you stop feeling like you are overthinking every single thing.

But I do have a tool called Human Design that helped me heal from burnout and helped me understand myself in ways I had never expected.

I did not expect that the way I was taught to make decisions in my family not only caused me to spiral and second-guess myself, but actually contributed to my burnout and stress, which meant I got sick a lot.

I didn’t expect to learn that there’s a reason I have felt I needed to earn love to feel worthy, and that it’s not a flaw. It’s how I am designed, so I can be more aware of when I’m trying to prove my worth to other people.

I didn’t expect that my noticing where things could be improved was both a gift and a curse. A curse because I can see it before anyone asks. A gift because in the moment somebody is actually able to hear it, things can change.

I didn’t expect it to change my relationship with my husband, where I’m more understanding about how we each operate differently. I stopped trying to keep up with him. Neither of us had to change at all.

I didn’t expect it to help me be a more supportive mom to my daughter, helping her learn to not make impulsive decisions. I joke that I found the secret decoder ring to relationships in my family.

The biggest thing, it quieted that inner critic and shifted me from feeling like I needed to be fixed to loving myself. It was not overnight. It was subtle changes over time, and the more I dig in, the more I love this or that about me.

“I joke that I feel like I found the secret decoder ring to relationships in my family.” — Erica Voell

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What I See With Clients

I’ve seen it with my clients too. The ones who feel like they understand their family better. The ones who stop overthinking every decision or second-guessing themselves. The ones who feel like they’ve completely changed their relationship with their partner, or have a better understanding of kids they always felt like something was different about.

For me, learning that the second half of my life is about self-love has turned into something I’m exploring deeper, and creating something I only dreamed of creating. I never thought it would happen for me.

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The Self-Love Code

We’re going to be exploring more about the inner critic and Human Design, to fall more deeply in love with ourselves, at my workshop on Thursday, July 30th at 1pm Eastern US time. The Self-Love Code Workshop is exclusively for paid Substack subscribers.

If you’ve already been exploring Human Design, I’ll share more about how you can use it as a tool for self-love, not to fix yourself or anyone else, but to have more compassion for yourself no matter what season you’re in.

Because when we love ourselves more, that shifts and ripples out into our relationships with others.

Join Erica for the The Self-Love Code workshop on July 30 at 12pm Central US/1pm Eastern US. We’ll look at where that inner critic came from, where it shows up in your Human Design, and start to unlock its grip, especially as we shift into a new era where trusting yourself matters more than ever. It’s a live workshop for paid subscribers.

Add to Your Calendar

Thursday, July 30 at 12pm CT US/1pm ET US/6pm BST

More of the Summer of Self-Love